It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
