we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
