hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
