i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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