would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
