omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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