This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
