ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize