all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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