Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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