proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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