Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh god it's open bar.
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