these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
