he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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