Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
