you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
