I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
