do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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