All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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