How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
