If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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