I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
