the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
