so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
