I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
nutella sex= disaster
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
