just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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