nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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