I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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