Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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