I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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