it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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