I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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