Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
