i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
