That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
