I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
