dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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