Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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