so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
