i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
