I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
