Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
