he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
