As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
