If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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