there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
