i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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