I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
