This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
