I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
