Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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