nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize