I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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