I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
