I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to make out with him forever
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
