we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
