I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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