I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
