A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You ate ashes out of my bong
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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