hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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