I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
