I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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