Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
