just come out here and I will go home with you...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
