I got chris browned last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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