his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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