Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
