hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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