$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
