his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I could fuck to npr.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
