I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
